Disappearing Act

aaargh!!!!! i was working on a nice draft updating my status but i lost it:(  i guess i will start over but just bulletpoint:)

  • we haven’t done anything with Dr. Braverman. neither of us can pinpoint exactly why but we just didn’t have confidence in him.  that’s not to say that he hasn’t helped loads of women get pregnant, we just didn’t feel he was the right fit for us, at this time.
  • i consulted with a homeopath at the advice of my sister. the homeopath oddly enough had fertility issues of her own and she was now expecting.  anyhoo, we did some guided meditation during our session which was amazing.  i cried during the meditation and i actually felt a lot of stress leave my body.  i had so much going on with work, plus fertility issues, plus we were/are in the midst of a home reno and it just felt like something heavy was just camped on my chest.  after the consult, she suggested i do things that bring more joy into my life.  talking to her made me want to start seeing a counselor to talk about all this “stuff” which I’m now looking into.  she also suggested hubby and i take a vacation.  we kept saying we wanted to plan something but for various reasons i would always say there was no time, i wasn’t feeling great, gained too much weight, about to start fertility treatments, too much $$$- but i decided to stop with the excuses. Which leads me to…
  • Mr. SFLB was traveling to Copenhagen at the end of May for work so we decided to tag on a vacation to the end of that trip!  This way we’d save the cost of his airline ticket and use his points for mine.  We decided to go to Tuscany and Florence and all I can say it was the most amazing vacation I have ever been on (other than our honeymoon:))  We relaxed, took walks, had good talks, delicious food, wine, beautiful setting.  I didn’t want to leave and I can’t wait to get back there one day.  We only took one day trip in Tuscany away from our hotel for a winery visit to Montalcino, and cheese and olive oil in Pienza.  so so good.  We picked up a bottle of wine in Montalcino that was reviewed at 100 points and is supposed to reach it’s prime in 2016.  So we plan on opening it on our anniversary next year:)  The last two days of our trip were spent in Florence running around and sight seeing.  It’s a little wacko how the internet has made me feel like I must see everything in one trip.  So to make up for dragging Mr. SFLB all over the city on day 1 of Florence, we spent day 2 doing a “best of.”  We had the “best gelato” “best pasta” “best drink” etc.  The food we enjoyed most in Florence was in a total tourist spot where we had a Bisteca- a rare cooked porterhouse for two.  yum!  Another favorite was lunch at the winery where we had pici pasta served just with pecorino cheese and black pepper and olive oil.  our first weekend back, i tried to recreate gnocchi, gelato and tiramisu.  let’s just say i’ll leave the gnocchi making to the italians lol.  but i totally want to try to recreate the pici pasta one day soon.  it was an amazing week and i couldn’t stop telling hubby how this was the most perfect vacation for us right.now.
  • the rest of our summer was fairly uneventful.  we spent a lot of time trying to advance our home reno.  we are living with my folks until it is done and it has officially been 8 months since we’ve been here!  it honestly doesn’t feel that long and i never thought we’d be here this long.  i think because Mr. SFLB has been traveling sooo much for work, our weeks are broken up and we haven’t noticed how long it’s truly been.  that also makes it difficult to make decisions because i didn’t want to make definite decisions on anything without him.  so i’d gather up all the options and then we’d go through everything when he was back which made for lots of crazy running around to see things on weekends.  but we definitely want to get back into our own place and it looks like the end is near.  we’ve decided that once painting is done, we are going to stick our mattress on the floor and just move on in lol.
  • as far as the fertility treatments, we have done nothing other than keep trying on our own.  which with Mr. SFLB’s travel, who knows if we are even doing it on the right days.  in any event, we are still not pg.  we have talked about what we want to do on the baby front going forward, if anything.  Mr. SFLB doesn’t want me to do another endo surgery (though honestly I think doing another laparascopy is about a million times easier than dealing with the evil lupron, the pill or stim injections).  but we do have one embryo left and it doesn’t sit right with us to just “leave it there.”  all that said, i will be 40 in december.  good grief.  i know some people have no issue with hitting 40 but i do not feel 40!  i already told Mr. SFLB that I want no mention of this birthday.  So anyway, i think we have decided to do a non- medicated FET before the end of the year if possible.  i’m not sure if we can do non-medicated but i just cannot handle lupron or the pill again.  they make me feel awful, but worse still, i have not lost the weight i gained from being on lupron and the pill for months last year.  it just makes me feel not myself.  like i’m in someone else’s body.  anyhoo, i’m going to set up an appointment at nyu to see when/if such a transfer would be possible.

so that’s where we are.  not much further along on the fertility front, but closer to getting back into our own home which i’m excited about.  and i’m excited about a potential FET.  it’s weird, but i do feel connected to our embryos.  probably more so since we know the sex of this one (we had PGD testing done) so I am anxious to give it a chance.


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